A family of 5

Last week we were a family of 5. My 15 year old nephew was here. He is failing Geometry and his mother is lucky if she can do 4th grade math, so we brought him up for a week of tutoring and a break from his mother (who has her own problems that she keeps sharing with the 15 year old.) This is the same kid who tried space cookies last month and told his mom she needed to try one. She is worried she is loosing her son, which she is because she is wrapped up in having a perfectly clean and decorated house.

While here he had to wake up at 5am everyday to start math. He would work with my husband until 7am, then all day on his own till 5pm with a 2 hour break for lunch, gym, and a shower. At 5pm he would play with the babies while I finished getting dinner ready. After dinner he got an hour to watch TV or play Xbox while we put the babies to bed. Then another hour on math and then about 30 minutes of TV or Xbox before bed.
Friday we drove up to the snow and spent the morning playing in the snow, and the afternoon shopping. Saturday morning he was begging my husband to let him live with us, but life isn't that easy and it is not our choice. Later that morning he flew home.
By Saturday night my husband was missing him.

Our nephew did so much better in our home with our rules than he does with his mom. For the most part getting him to do basic chores was not a struggle. At his house he whines non-stop because his mother allows it and it works her up and he gets attention from it. I personally don't allow arguments and whining and my husband is slowly learning not to allow them either.

My husband and I also saw his old self come back out. He has not been his old self in over a year when he pulled his dad off his mom. Sadly by the next day he was upset to be home.

Being a teenager is very hard.I think a lot of parents forget that. They forget that teenagers like to go out and spend time as a family receiving positive attention from their parents. They really only play video games and listen to music all day because they have nothing else better to do. Just like adults they want balance to their lives. Teenagers don't know how to give balance to their lives on their own and it is up to the parents to be an example and to occasionally make sure the balance is their (despite the will of the teenager.) They need time to work, play (which should include a physical activity), and then relax and unwind too.

Why am I writing all this...I want to remember it later when my own kids are grown and I want to remind myself that even now I need to be continually working toward a more perfect balance.