Learning from others

We just got back from California. We spent the better part of the week with my sister in law and her children.

Every time I see her and her children, I feel the same way. She messed up her life and she continues to allow it to roll down hill.

I am continually learning from her mistakes so I would like to share her story. Hopefully others will not make the same mistakes. I will refer to her as E.

When E was 19 she entered her rebellious phase. She feel in love with a man 16 years ago, who she knew had a history of spousal abuse and she never told anyone about his history. Her husband occasionally hit her but she always took it and kept it mostly to herself. He was unemployed for 6 months. At that time they moved in with E's parents. E's mother spent a good portion of her savings and retirement supporting the family. Finally E's husband got a job in California close to my husband. From time to time E's parents would come and stay with E. E's parents always did the cooking cleaning and bought E's children the best gifts while visiting and buy other large ticket items that were needed. E's husband was never happy about E's parents visiting. E's husband was only good for the money he made. E and her husband were funny. They buy things they don't need but tighten the budget on things they do need (food, clothing, housing.)

In fall 2007 E's husband beat her. He threw her against the wall then down on the ground and started hitting and kicking her. All of the children were a witness (4, 9, 14 years old.) The 14 year old boy had to step in and pull his father off of his mother. We (my husband and I) wanted to call the police but E did not want us too. We respected her wishes and my husband had a serious talk with E's husband and was warned that next time there would be no choice and no one to stop us from calling.

We moved away from California. August 2008 we received a call at 11pm from the 14 year old. He called to let us know his dad was drunk and threatening his mother and being vulgar. The 14 year old and my husband communicated online. When E was hit by her husband, my husband was on the phone with the local (to them) police and they were there in 2 minutes. They took him away and a restraining order was issued the next day.

As you can see it was very typical. He is a control freak when it comes to what he can control and she is naive about the world. He kept $50k in the bank all the time saying how poor they are. He even made a joint account just so he could deposit the tax return money without her knowledge (or signature.) E believes that everyone she meets is so nice and had no idea that the government was giving $1500 to families as part of the tax relief program (in 2008) even though everyone I know was talking about it.