Learning from others

We just got back from California. We spent the better part of the week with my sister in law and her children.

Every time I see her and her children, I feel the same way. She messed up her life and she continues to allow it to roll down hill.

I am continually learning from her mistakes so I would like to share her story. Hopefully others will not make the same mistakes. I will refer to her as E.

When E was 19 she entered her rebellious phase. She feel in love with a man 16 years ago, who she knew had a history of spousal abuse and she never told anyone about his history. Her husband occasionally hit her but she always took it and kept it mostly to herself. He was unemployed for 6 months. At that time they moved in with E's parents. E's mother spent a good portion of her savings and retirement supporting the family. Finally E's husband got a job in California close to my husband. From time to time E's parents would come and stay with E. E's parents always did the cooking cleaning and bought E's children the best gifts while visiting and buy other large ticket items that were needed. E's husband was never happy about E's parents visiting. E's husband was only good for the money he made. E and her husband were funny. They buy things they don't need but tighten the budget on things they do need (food, clothing, housing.)

In fall 2007 E's husband beat her. He threw her against the wall then down on the ground and started hitting and kicking her. All of the children were a witness (4, 9, 14 years old.) The 14 year old boy had to step in and pull his father off of his mother. We (my husband and I) wanted to call the police but E did not want us too. We respected her wishes and my husband had a serious talk with E's husband and was warned that next time there would be no choice and no one to stop us from calling.

We moved away from California. August 2008 we received a call at 11pm from the 14 year old. He called to let us know his dad was drunk and threatening his mother and being vulgar. The 14 year old and my husband communicated online. When E was hit by her husband, my husband was on the phone with the local (to them) police and they were there in 2 minutes. They took him away and a restraining order was issued the next day.

As you can see it was very typical. He is a control freak when it comes to what he can control and she is naive about the world. He kept $50k in the bank all the time saying how poor they are. He even made a joint account just so he could deposit the tax return money without her knowledge (or signature.) E believes that everyone she meets is so nice and had no idea that the government was giving $1500 to families as part of the tax relief program (in 2008) even though everyone I know was talking about it.

You know your 2 year old will be smarter than you when....

She knows the difference between right and left body parts, says, "We're almost home!" when you turn on your street, reminds you to "Be careful!" when you get mad at other drivers or (baba) starts swerving, and she spells her last name with the same ease you do.

We have a local educational channel aimed for middle school to high school level students. I told my husband maybe I should have her watch that and the university channel (always watching in on a computer technology class.) Could you imagine....

I would really never have her watch something that advanced at her age, but children truly are sponges at this age.

Did I mention the 6 month old says, mama, baba, and night, night. He is just now getting a firm grasp on sitting up by himself.

Grandmas.....

My mom called this morning. We started talking about Christmas presents. As you can see from the last post I am a very practical person and I know what I want for my kids. We don't celebrate but they do so we are going to see them for the holidays.

Cotton food from "Under the Nile." He can chew on it, she can play with it and have herself a store or cooking party. $26 not cheap, but okay.

Melissa and Doug Lacing beads. She can sort but color or shape and make her own necklace. $10 very affordable.



I talk to my mom and she was thinking about getting them something along the same lines but different.

Not bad or anything. Just more money and it looses half of it's purpose (sorting) and I am not sure Gibo will want to play with it when he is 3.

This for Gibo. $68 from FAO. It is a very cool toy and all, but for a 6 month old I don't see a lot of purpose behind it.

From my mother who in the same call said she is worried about money (she has cancer and will start chemo. soon) The same person who growing up said $50 gifts are the limit and made all three of us go in together to get the orginal Nintendo for Christmas one year.

I guess being a grandma changes everything.....

This years toddler "IT" gift

This year if you have a toddler you have just got to get them a kitchen. Almost every toddler parent I know is buying them a kitchen. It's okay if you don't have room, just make room for it. It okay if you can't afford your mortgage and you are thinking of letting your house get forclosed on, just get your kid a kitchen for Christmas because if you don't your 2 year old will hate you and you will be out casted by all of your other cool parent of 2 year old friends.

They range from the table top stoves




to diners







Yeah so guess what Z is getting. $10-15 wood lacing beads. And G? He is getting felt or cotton fruits and/or veggies ($20) so he can chew on them safely.

Chicken Pox with a baby

Gibo will be 6 months this Friday. Last Wednesday it became obvious he had the chicken pox. I thought okay it is just chicken pox, not a big deal. I was so wrong. Emotionally it was so draining.

We went to the doctor on Wednesday. Our usual doctor was not in. The doctor we saw looked at him and wasn't sure what it was and had to go get a second opinion. As we are waiting more and more dots are showing up, they are doubling right before my eyes. They conference with each other and decide it is chicken pox that I gave to him from the shingles that I had (didn't know it was shingles at the time), because they have a 2 week incubation period.

Thursday (Thanksgiving) my husband is home for the weekend to help. Thursday night only Zuzu sleeps. We are up all night with Gibo who is just so upset, uncomfortable and has a 102 fever with Tylenol in him. We changed our bed sheets at least twice that night and gave him an oatmeal bath at 3am to help with the itching.

Zuzu's love for Gibo really started to show through. She wanted to be there with him and confort him when he cried. She would get upset when she couldn't be by his side.

Friday night it became obvious Zuzu had the chicken pox too. Saturday Gibo started getting better and Zuzu worse. Saturday night her eye started getting a little red so for the 3rd time in a week we went back to the doctor. Turns out it went away on it's own and she was fine.

Now we are just waiting for all the sores to scab over so we are no longer contagious and we will pray for minimal scars and that Gibo has magically become immune (even though when babies his age get it they usually don't.)

In all of this I did learn that Gibo is 20 lbs now and my husband not only had the chicken pox as a boy, but the mumps and measles too.

I am happy that Zuzu and Gibo had each other through this and even if we could not make them smile, they could still make each other smile.

My favorite store of all time

PCC Natural Markets. They are only in the greater Seattle area, but they should be an example to grocery stores everywhere. They but Whole Foods to shame. Think costco (organic) food prices but without the bulk and with more choices and products. They even have a full vegan refrigerated row with chesses, milk and whatever else you could need.

I knew I was in love when I walked in one day to buy my staples, bought about $15 extra dollars in shampoo and still walked outspending less than my usual trips to other grocery stores.

...and it only got better. I became a member (it is optional) and now once a month I get an additional 5% off and another time I get 10% off everything. The membership was $60 and it is a lifetime membership, unlike Costco where you pay every year.

They only allow the use of plastic bags for produce (which usually are wet from the misting) and the dry goods (like grains, soup mixes, and nuts) but in both cases there are small brown paper bags as an option too.

They have cooking classes for toddlers up to seniors.They support farmland growth and local farms. They carry harder to find meat, like lamb and bison. Every time I try something new from PCC I fall in love all over again.

If you are ever in the greater Seattle area make sure you check out PCC.

Worth the time

My parents claim they know (all about this.) Well if the "know" the why don't they make the necessary changes???

I can talk until I am blue in the face and nothing ever changes because I am and always will be the "daughter" and they the "parents". I hope I am smarter than that when I am 50.

Another strike against phamacetical companies

I can't believe that anyone would be so naive as to even make all these assumptions this in the first place. Motrin is working on pulling the ad.

Old Pictures

My mom and I taking a bath circa 1981.

Dig my pin striped jeans, suspenders and my volcano science project. 1989

Just in case there was any doubt about my poor white trash history :) It was a 4 door long bed Chevy. I slept in one of the bench seats, my brother in the back row, then my parents and youngest brother in the back of the truck. Not sure when this picture was taken other than sometime between 1985 and 1992. I believe this was Pismo Beach.

It's offical

My mom has cancer in her bones. It took doctors 6 months to figure out what we already thought it was by the power of deduction and reading on the internet. Just one more mark against doctors in the US and another reason I don't trust them. She has been suffering with no name to her pain for almost a full year now.

So after Thanksgiving she starts Chemo and we go from there. As she says the good news is she will finally be loosing that extra 100 lbs she has been carrying around and we will be making a few trips out to California. The doctor that she is working with told her that some blood count number (to tell you have cancer) is the highest he has ever seen, but with a bone marrow transplant and possibly some stem cells she should be okay after they are able to kill off the cancer.

Just when I was happy that this ride called 2008 was going to be over....a ride called 2009 is looking even more challenging.

Feeling skinny--er

I am officially down to 134 lbs. My size 4's fit. I am happy. About 7 more pounds and my 2's should fit. I am very excited. My husband even said, "What is this you loose a few pounds and suddenly you have energy?" I seriously thought loosing weight would be harder this time around, I love to be wrong :)

My goal is to be squeezing into those 2's for the new year. With Gibo's help I should be able to do it.

Worse than poop

Baba has this big waiting room chairs that he got for free 3 years ago and he loves them. I hate them. They are our dinning room chairs. When we moved they got covered in plastic. Baba put Zuzu's chair on top of the plastic (as in 4/6 chairs were still covered in moving plastic.) Her chair is on there in such a way that he threaded it through holes he poked in the plastic.

Most of this week our apartment smelled like something died. 2 days ago I figured out it was her chair. So yesterday I vacuumed the sides to see if I could get anything out. It still stunk.

This morning after breakfast while baba was still upstairs I said screw his precious chair (and cover) I am taking the booster & plastic off.

I seriously started gagging. Ever smell a rotting animal...the stinkiest smell you can imagine...that was this. A brown puddle of milk with floating chunks and a ring around the edge of the booster chair.

I seriously contemplated throwing the chair away. I held my breath and hosed it down in the sink. Then I soaked it in the sink, then scrubbed with soap. Then sprayed down with anti-bacterial cleaner then rinsed again.

I think it will be okay now. Did I mention I hate Baba's chairs.....

2 adults, 2 kids, 1.5 beds

We had guests over the weekend that were 80 years old. So We gave our guests Zuzu's room so they could be close to the bathroom and minimize the stair climbing.

We have a queen bed and a crib attached to the side. Zuzu would get ready and go to bed first in our bed. Then Gibo would fall asleep and we put him in the crib next to the bed. Then we would sleep like that until Gibo would wake up hungry. Then I put Gibo in my spot, move Zuzu to the crib, then move Gibo over to the middle and nurse him back to sleep. If my husband and I both sleep on our sides or almost on the very edge of the bed we can fit all four of us. The problem becomes Zuzu's tossing and turning and bumping her brother.

So it can be done, and I am sure there are people all over the globe that sleep four people to a bed everynight. I do admit, I love snuggling with both my kids, but Zuzu did miss her room.

Through all of this we started a new routine of putting both kids to sleep at 7:30/8pm so that we could have 2 hours every night to ourselves.

For the first time in over three years....

my toe nails have paint. I use to always paint them and well for the last 3 years I haven't made it a priority. So now it is 11:30pm and I am finally doing it :)

Interesting enough it was almost 3 years ago today that I found out I was pregnant with Zuzu. What a journey the last 3 years have been....

Oh and I lost another pound

PLEASE teach my husband to drive!

We have owned our for 5 or so weeks now. So far my husband has slammed into the curb with it 2 times. The second time was today about 3 hours after I talked to him and said take it easy because your driving sucks. Be easy and smooth....smooth = good driving. I got no problem if he wants to drive like crap...that is fine just be willing to let me drive then and quit the macho BS.

Our gender roles are messed up. Honestly he is a better cooker and cleaner than I am, and I am a better fixer of things non-computer as well as I know my way around a garage and how to mow a lawn (he has never mowed a lawn.) Is he willing to admit it, No! I am? Yes!

Our problem #2: I don't like the way he french kisses (no passion) and he doesn't like the way I do (probably too much passion. This has been bothering me a lot lately.

Our problem #3: He is always at his sisters beck and call and rarely at mine. Sure I am not anywhere as needy or confused about day to day function in society, but when I say help please he should at least try to respond in a semi-quick fashion. (This is an ongoing problem...can you tell.)

Weight Loss Conclusion

Well I didn't do as well as I wanted to, but I did well enough. I had to slow down and back off to keep G's weight up. Diet and exercise are not good for chubby babies.

I hope to loose another 10 lbs by the end of the year, then I will be content until G is a year old....or so I think.

Economics

It is not like me to use this blog to post about real world politics, but believe it or not I am an educated woman and spend my fair share taking econ. classes, it was my minor.

Everyday I wake up listening NPR and everyday I hear something that makes me think "WHAT THE F**K ARE THEY DOING????" I am sorry but this nation is ran by a bunch of morons.

First- How is it that each state with in the U.S has to balance it's budget and make huge cut backs while we blow trillions on a war for oil and Israelies. (Follow something besides your local news and fox and follow the BBC or something half way decent and let me know when the light bulb comes back on.)

Second- So let me get this straight, we give AIG money, they take a vacation, come back & say they need more money and now we give them a loan?? Do I look like your sugar daddy or your b1tch???

Third- We loan GM $25B, they spend $3B in internet advertising. Dear GM we know who you are, your cars suck and/or are over priced, that's why we don't buy them. Why don't you invest that money in figuring out a way to get the engines to go 100,000 miles without leaking oil all over the place? I mean 100 years using a combustion engine, this isn't like rocket science.

Fouth- We have the Boeing machinests on strike. I understand you are under valued but your neighbor just lost his job 2 months ago and is getting forclosed on next week (see for yourself). There comes a time when you have to feed your family and keep a roof over their head and tell the union to go F themselves.

Now for the Biggie...
How about we raise the interest rate to give our dollar value again and then people will be interested in keeping their money in the banks (since it would actually earn money.) Then we could switch to complete Islamic banking home loans over the next 6 months.
If companies get burned in the process it was probably their own faults, in time other better ran companies will take their place anyway.


Islamic banking:
Say you want a $100,000 house, but you only have enough to cover your closing costs and put $10,000 down. So you need a loan for 90% of your house. Three blocks over a house just like your's rents for $1000 a month.

Given this info., the people that loaned you the money own 90% of the house that you live in. So every month you pay them 90% of $1000, or $900 rent. Then you need to pay down your home loan, so you pay them another $835 a month, so that every month you own more of your home and you pay less rent. So then if you paid $10,000 in the first year, not counting rent (plus your orginal down) you now own 20% of your home, and your rent has been adjusted every month and now you are paying $800 a month rent.

If at the end of the first year you have to sell your house at a loss the loss is split. So say the $100,000 house is now only worth $50,000. The split is an 80/20 (since those are the owned percentages) so buyer would only get $10,000 back out of the sale and bank only gets $40,000 from the sale (plus the rent them.)


I have the strongest feeling everything they are doing right now is only making things worse long term.

Made my own wrap

G wasn't very happy in the ergo like Z use to be, so I had some green cotton knit laying around and make my own wrap out of that. It seems a little more comfortable but he still hates it.

That was 2-3 weeks ago. Now we are back to the ergo and he is such a big boy he sits in it normally. With Z we didn't do that until 6 months.

Each child is obviously different, I knew it but I guess I didn't realize how true it could be.

Cherios and high chair toy down!!

Z was just laying on the ground and all of a sudden she starts peeing like a boy. It starts shooting up in the air, she peed in the bowl of cherios she was munching on and this little toy that fits inside the tray of her fisher price booster seat (that I just got out for her brother this morning) and of course on the carpet.

Ramblings

I have been pretty busy. Potty training, sick babies, making good food for my husband to eat (Ramadan), going to parks, swimming lessons, teaching Z some preschool level skills.
Then music lessons are starting this week and family coming next week.

I am very much enjoying my new van. It brings a new level of freedom.
Where am I going to nurse my son, where am I going to change his diaper, and how am I going to keep an eye on my daughter while I do all that? Not to mention have have more than enough trunk space now I can start getting some craigslist deals since I now have the means to get items myself versus sending my husband out when ever he has the time. (I really want to to get G a jumperoo in the next couple of weeks.)

In other news the economy is really suffering. I see the pros and cons in this. Good because now those crazy housing prices are finally starting to adjust back down to normal levels, but bad because my husband is too scared of the economy to buy a house. Maybe the November election will bring some good change with the new year.