TSA

I was so upset when I heard about the new body scanners. What was worse is that they are mandatory (unless you "opt. out) at my local airport. It is my understanding that not all airports have them or require everyone to pass through them (or opt. out.)
I do not feel like subjecting myself to anymore radiation than necessary or someone telling me that I have to submit myself and my children to radiation. These are my babies. I don't spend money to feed them mostly organic so that they can go subject themselves to radiation. Sure they can argue it is safe, the levels are so low, it is FDA approved, all they want. I don't trust them. I know it is just so our former Sec. of Homeland Security can hook up his buddies with some nice spending money. People will lie to make a $1, so what will they do to make $30M?? They say they don't store the images, it has been proven different. They say you can't see any private details, but this has also been proven a lie. Sounds like a lot of lies.
So let's say you opt. out. That doesn't sound too bad. Oh wait! TSA has no problem feeling around genitalia, your crack, looking down your pants from the waist, feeling under your shirt. You want me to let a stranger do that to me???? To my children?!?? Make no mistake you touch my children like that...TSA or not I will hunt you down and kill you. The quickest way to bring terrorists home is to create them by treating them with disrespect. I give it a few more months before someone brings a serious gun to security and wipes out ever TSA agent in the area. Probably someone's mother or father...or maybe just someone who didn't like their junk being checked out.
Let's be real. If I want to get something in I still can. You can swallow it or shove it up your ass. There are also a few other ways I can think of that would involve a little more planning...but you get the point. Even if they went to strip searches there will always be someone that will be able to get something past security and where they want it. Just the way it is... but you know, lets spend billions of dollars on security at a time when we are already in the negative and since we are spending the money let's make sure we spend it on big useless corporations.

I refuse to fly until TSA changes their ways. This means Alaska Air just lost $1k this year and KLM lost $3k from my family alone. When the airlines need a bailout they should send them to our former Sec. of Homeland Security's door and make him pay. If it means he has to file bankruptcy than so be it....he can rejoin the middle class.

There are a lot of great stories out there. If you have to fly Opt. Out. When you do Opt out and they touch you in inappropriate ways or do so without your permission... call 911. They legally have no right to search you unless you give them cause. Choosing not to subject your body to radiation or having your nudy picture taken is not just cause. If the police have to come to airport security every 5 minutes to file a report against TSA things will change. Write your local representatives and express your concerns. If you don't care about your personal freedom being taken away then you should just dig your own grave and at least save the rest of us the $2k it would cost to bury your sorry ass.

If you want to spend some more time looking into things here is a good place to start.
http://www.optoutday.com/

3 months

It has been 3 months since my youngest has been born. Since she will be my last I savior every moment. I try not to do it in a noticeable way though, don't want to spoil her. :)
I wish I had more time to spend with G. He is my boy, and my only boy.
I figured out last night each child had a special baby skill. For Z it was projectile poop, for G projectile pee (he is a boy after all), for M projectile puke. I am such a proud mother :)

It has also been about 3 months since A left. He went back to his mother. He needed/needs/wants drug abuse counseling. He is an addict. My husband & I spent a day finding him a place he could go to before sending him to his mother. My husband even set up the appointment so he could start. His mom canceled it, "too busy." We offered to set up another one for A if she could tell us when a good time was....she didn't know when. Now 2.5 months later A is skipping school to use and back to all his old ways. All the work that took us a year was undone in less than 3 months. His mom still doesn't care because she is still "too busy." She is a single mom so I do cut her some slack, but she has unlimited reasonable income from her parents. She ask they give.
So what is she so busy with...working as a TA (6 hours a day) in a Special Ed class and taking classes 2 nights a week. Her children all take care of themselves and raise themselves while she sits in her room studying so that she gets straight A's. I think if she cared she would figure out when she could make time to help her son, but maybe sometimes it is easier to ignore it and just hope things work themselves out.

Realization

I don't know what it is...probably a combination of different factors and struggles but I am finally getting to a place where I realize what is important and I really don't get upset at things or people because I can't change anything I can only enjoy what I am surrounded with.

I may sound like I am 80 years old but...
As long as we have our health and don't lack food and warmth everything will be okay. Machines and technology can be awesome. I don't have to walk to go get water, I don't have to start a fire to be warm, I don't have to spend all day, everyday, tending the land only to have it ruined by pests or early rain and worry about where my next meal will come from and how I will feed my family. It would appear to me that we have everything handed to us on a silver platter.

It doesn't matter if you voted Red & your neighbor voted Blue. The same sh!t will still be there. We have start focusing on what is really important, and stop being distracted by everything else.

What is important to you?

My day

hour 0 kids wake up, play, make messes
hour 1 eat breakfast
hour 2 pick up mess from hour 0
hour 3 get everyone dressed
hour 4 Costco.
hour 5 Septic "fun"
hour 6 lunch.
hour 7 Z's dance.
hour 8 cook dinner
hour 9 homeschool kids
hour 10 eat dinner
hour 11 get kids in bed
hour 12-13 relax
hour 14 try to sleep while husband on computer
hour 15 feed baby
hour 16 sleep finally

Now mind you there is nursing in there about every 2 hours for 15 minutes and I do all of this while holding the 2 month old.

Never a dull moment.

Kids

Today NPR did a story on ADHD and neurofeedback. It was sad because at the end of the story the mother of the story admits that she has seen an improvement in her son's interaction with her and it is probably because now they spend more time together because they go out to pizza after his sessions.

I am so tired of parents being so selfish and not taking the time to address the problems their children have. Children need your time. They need to be cuddled and loved. They need to have interaction with other children AND their parents. They need to get out of the house and learn by watching their parents. They need healthy food to eat. (If you wouldn't put low octane cheap gas in your car why the hell would you put fast "food" in your children unless there is nothing else available.) You take your dog for a walk everyday so it doesn't tear up your house or sh1t on everything, why not take your children out to play too. If only we use a little bit of common sense and spend time interacting with our children a little each day, I am sure many problems would be minimized or disappear completely.

We had a nice weekend. My husband was more open to celebrating Halloween this year. The kids got costumes and decorated pumpkins. My husband even carved one too. To build up to the holiday we made paper pumpkins & strung them up in the window and made hanging paper spiders with accordion folded legs. We are in a very low traffic area so I was happy that we had 3 sets of tricker treaters for the kids to greet.

Today I started Z on Oak Meadow 1st grade curriculum. We meet 4 gnomes; Plus, Minus, Times, & Divide. I want to get my daughter reading small chapter books, writing short sentences, and doing basic addition and subtraction before she starts school. I think G will pick up a lot by watching his sister so I am hoping to start him on Kindergarten curriculum in another year. I am interested to start Z on an instrument soon too and to re-enroll the younger children in Music Together when Z starts school.

This weekend my baby, M, started cooing "ma-ma." She also will copy clicking noises and tries so hard to speak to us and to sit up.

Basement

We have a MIL unit in our basement. Friday Z & G went down stairs and found water on the ground in their play area. Z immediately comes up and tells me. I open the door to the MIL unit and immediately find soggy carpet. I few more steps and I find the source. A pipe in the ceiling is leaking down creating a bubble on the wall and of coarse it has to be dripping on my husband's grandmother's furniture. I shut off the water ASAP and spent the rest of the afternoon/evening on the phone.

So here we are a few days later. The pipe is repaired and parts of the basement/MIL unit is gutted down to the studs. Now I get to spend time with insurance and hope we can get it back the way it was in the next month.

I think my husband is taking this harder than I am. I understand, these things happen. (Apparently even to cooper pipes that are only 22 years old.) He has never had to repair a home.

It has come to this

I don't know if I should be sad or relieved.

My father has basically disowned me. I was raised Christian and let's just say I took the Bible to heart and read it several times as a teen. I did not agree with the church because not a single one of them follows the bible. They all take & choose what they need and leave the rest. When you start to see the real truth, people don't like you because you are challenging the familiar.

If you truly believe the bible you learn to "Trust in the Lord God with all your heart, lean not on your own understandings. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths."
Ever really try to live like that? Don't worry, trust in God when things happen that you don't understand?

It is no secret that I married a Muslim man. However, he is not just any man. He is the best man I have ever known. He treats me better than I deserve. My father has never tried to see past "muslim." He has always been racist, so it is no shocker. However now he feels it is his duty to post the latest anti-Islamic thing he can find on facebook daily. All of it has to do with Islam and all Muslims being from the devil or how it is trying to take over the world.
I told him, we know he has a strong opinion, but he only does harm when posting these lies.

Now he has removed me from being his "friend" and continues to post directing them toward me and my lack of "knowledge" about Islam for all to see. Why because he is not smart enough to use the privacy settings.

I am sad that my mother will be the only grandparent my children truly know and spend time with. I pray God keeps her with us for at least another 20 years.

Glamourmom Nursing Bra tummy control

I love Glamourmom "nursing tops" tanks and my belly just hasn't gone back down as quickly as the last 2 times. Today I got their Nursing Bra with Tummy control in the mail.

Cons:
Only make 1 color, black.
Nursing openings are bigger, so when you nurse you are going to show some boobage.
They didn't try these on real moms, so if you have a belly you are actually try to squeeze in there, the tummy control doesn't come down far enough. They would benefit from adding 2 inches.
Price $49 (which isn't that bad when you consider the regular ones sale for $35-39)

Pros:
It seems constructed really well. They used nice clasps.
It is really long. It covers the hips a bit. This could also be seen as a con depending on your personal wants/use.

I think with a few tweaks it could be a really good. If I remember, I'll update this in a week or two.

Update 10/19/2010
I wore it a few days. I don't think it really makes a long term difference on my tummy. But it does make me look better when I wear it. (Makes my tummy look a little flatter and my waist slimmer.)

Not so quick trip

Call me crazy....
10 days after having M I loaded up the car and drove the family to Cali. M had been in 3 states before she was even 2 weeks old. I had help both ways and it was uneventful.

I only spent 12 hours at my SIL's and by hour 7 I was ready to take my kids and run out the door. She went from sitting on her bum studying her room to yelling at her kids in 3 seconds. One was cooking dinner, "How come you aren't cooking dinner faster!!!!" What's wrong with you!" (Uh because dinner is still 2 hours away.) "Why did you run the dishwasher when it wasn't full!! Are you dumb?" (Uh, because every plate, cup, and silverware we own is dirty and we need them for dinner.) Her children were running the house and doing a good job at it and all she did was bitch. Seriously maybe I am missing something but I have no idea what she would have done differently that her kids didn't do.

I love my SIL, but she needs to find balance in her life because it is seriously missing and she isn't helping herself or her kids right now. I guess she was just raised in a way that she only had to focus on one thing at a time and feels over whelmed dealing with more than one thing on her plate?

ROFLMAO re: Comments

I moderate comments for good reason. I get my fair share of "I like your blog so follow mine at ......." Yeah sorry I don't even give those comments a 2nd look.

I got a good one last week. It was someone telling me about how I was a bad step mother and this poor teenager that lived with me. She also assumed that my husband was his father. She went on and on and on. I am sure she had good intentions, but um...
This is a good reminder of how we shouldn't judge and jump to conclusions on anything we read on the internet because we only read one side of the story and often we are missing important details.

In case you are just joining us, the teen is not my husbands son, or my step son. Bad as it sounds, if it were my own son or step son, I would have slapped him upside the head a lot more than twice in the one year he was here and would have been a lot harder dishing out other punishments. I assure his own mother will probably slap him upside the head more than twice in the next two months.

Baby

The only day I did not want to have this baby was Saturday Aug. 21st, my dad's b-day. So it only figures that.....

Friday night August 20th I had contractions on and off. They ranged from 10 minutes apart to 30 minutes apart. Around 3am they started being intense(r) and lasting a minute or more and regularly 10 minutes apart. Around 4 am I told my husband, "let's get going."

We arrived at the hospital at 5am. They found I was 6-7cm dilated with a bulging water. Was told the on call OB was a female (as DH strongly prefers) only till 7 am. I got in a room. The contractions got intense, like with Z. I asked to get in the tub. Took the nurse 3 more contractions to get it ready. Got in the tub, no relief. I said, "I need to push." That was at 6am. Nurse checked me, sure enough I was 9+ cm. I said "Get the OB now!" There was a scramble to get the OB as they knew I was not waiting. Turned out the OB was in the hospital and she was there. One contraction, she broke my water. 2 contractions baby's head was there and she did a quick stretch, 3rd contraction her head came out. Cord was around baby's neck twice, OB yelled, wait!! wait!! Got to get the cord off her neck. I was in mid-contraction (they were lasting 2 minutes by now), I paused for about 5 seconds, then I couldn't stand it and I pushed her all the way out.

Malak(mel-ick / "angel") was born 6:12 am weighing 7lbs 4 oz and 19 3/4".

I will never understand

So A was okay until he realized he would be punished for smoking pot. What did you think? We would be like, "that's cool, party on!"

A was looking forward to getting a cell phone. He has not been allowed to have one since living with us because it really is not necessary. He needs to be where he says he is and then we can always reach him and he can always reach us. It also makes him more dependent on others and society in a good way. Well obviously now he is not getting a phone, instead the money he was going to be spending on that will be donated to a cause (of his choice, if he can choose one.)

He will also start a rehab program and if that does not yield results he be left to whatever comes his way.

Since he is upset (about the punishment, not about himself smoking pot), he talked to his mother on and off all day. Here is the part I will never understand. His mother knows I am due any day now, knows I have two small children at home, and knows we go to bed around 10pm and that her son's bed time is 9pm....she calls at 11:30pm. Yes that is right she calls my cell phone at 11:30 at night. I will never understand how inconsiderate she is or how she fails to use her brain...which ever one this falls into. If she does this when I have a new baby I am going to chew her up and spit her out, no excuse other than serious illness, hospitalization or death will be accepted. :p

Should have trusted my gut

A, the 16 year old has been up to all his old tricks since March. If you recall my husband caught him smoking weed in a parking lot back then. He busted him, slapped him. A was very remorseful and shook up for a couple of days.
Yesterday I do A's laundry. I find first a lighter, than eye drops.

First story, "I just have eye drops cause a girl I work with smokes pot and I had some extra I was sharing." Clearly a lie, because he had no eye drops that I or anyone else bought him, so why would he have them just laying around.

Second story, "I just had a lighter because like a month ago I use to smoke cigarettes, but I stopped now and have it all under control." Booo hooo and lots of tears and sob story about how we don't trust him.

Story number 3, "I have been smoking pot since March. I have a problem but I have no motivation to change." No tears.

Now here are some questions for you. How does a 16 year old with no money, get money to buy all this? Who is he stealing from or is he just dealing again? Guess what, I would bet money he is dealing again.

If he is stupid enough to bring a lighter and eye drops in my house, where is the weed?

Golly, Gee...no wonder he brought his big knife back from his mom's house. He needs to feel safe while dealing with the people he is dealing with. My husband wrote it off instead of confiscating it.

Why the hell does my husband think A is remorseful when he clearly is not. A would love to get off drugs but really doesn't see why or how he should do this. Until he is motivated to stop smoking pot he won't and things will only get worse for us all until he is back where he was.

I straight up told my husband you can't raise your children around someone that messed up and then pretend to be shocked when your children do the same thing later. I am not willing to sacrifice my children because I am busy trying to help A. Everything comes at a price and this is not a price I am willing to pay. I told him think it over and choose, so that I don't have to. In other words, he can choose to work with A for the next year or 2 and we can cut our ties, or he can choose to continue living with his children.

Really, don't ever get in between a mama and her babies. She will do whatever it takes as long as her babies are protected.

I really want to just pack up the car and get out, my gut tells me to do it now, my body says you are going to have this baby any day, you can't just get up and leave. Then my gut says, okay then just get a local hotel until this baby is born. Seriously I need to get him on the next plane out of here and save myself the headache.

Are you ready....

TMI in regards to pregnancy

Mucus - check
weird spotting - check

Now I wait for the live on the bathroom toilet feeling to completely overwhelm me....which I am fighting...so it isn't quite over whelming yet.

Then should come the contractions and God willing the baby.

In preparation news. The baby book came yesterday and I filled out all I could.
My husband's mother sent us money to buy each child a gift. I got Z the new Leapster Explorer.

I know she has been wanting one. She loves to play with her cousin's Leapster, so when I saw that they just released a new one, I knew it was for her. The best thing is, I ordered through the company's website and got the Explorer, a game, and 2 app. codes for $75 (plus tax) and free shipping. There are always 20% off codes...just look around. They have not released the case yet, so I found some scrap fabric and made Z something to keep it from getting scratched.

I think it will be great to keep her and her brother entertained should they need to wait around while I am labor.

For G I think I am going to get him Lego Duplo train set. Just need to order it online this week.

I think I am ready...only thing left to go is install the car seat, but DH can do that anytime (after the baby is born, but before we need a ride home.)

Add another to the pile

I found out today I tested positive for group B strep. Yay. I did some research and I am thinking I just really need to boost my immune system because if I don't start the antibiotic at least 4 hours before giving birth it does nothing. 4 hours...I will be lucky to have 1-2 hours. Then they just need to monitor the baby for the first 48 hours.

I am up to 166 lbs, so I gained some weight this week. We had company over the weekend so I am exhausted. I seriously just want to sleep for 24 hours.

Yes I had more contractions at the NST but nothing I noticed.

Almost 36 weeks

I had another NST earlier this week. The kids did better this time. After the 20 minutes of being monitored. The nurse comes in to check on me and says, "Oh, I see you had a few contractions. Did you feel any?" I only felt one. That same night I had a little run of little contractions that I could actually feel, but as you can see I am still here. :) It appears I have also stopped gaining weight. I am holding steady at 164. I usually go up to 167 with pregnancies.

We have company coming over this weekend...and last minute company last night. I have been cleaning and preparing all week. I am exhausted, but I get little bouts of energy. I still want to clean out the fridge, clean my room, and finish cleaning my bathroom. I also have a little bit of baby related laundry I want to get done before they arrive, but if it never gets done...no loss.

In teenager news, I get so frustrated at half ass jobs and then being told, "Why don't you say thank you?" "You don't like me..." sniffle, cry, sniffle. "Can you give me a ride to X?" Seriously 16, almost 17 and still having pity parties and crying. This is what happens when you baby your child past 4 or 5 and give him (or her) everything they ask for and do everything for him or her.

I feel better

I finally meet the new OB today. It was such a relief. I feel like things are coming together. She actually knows the OB that delivered Z. She was really nice and had a positive attitude (which I really like and need.)

I was having cramping all morning. About 2-3 an hour. They stopped when I laid on my left side and did my NST. I only had one little one in 20 minutes. The nurse gave me water juice and crackers. Sure enough, G spilled the water all over the floor. I felt so bad, but at least it was water. Both kids did really well considering we were there for an hour and a half.

Z has her dance classes now and I noticed that the day she has the class she wants mama and has a hard time sleeping at night. I talked to her and it appears that she is not comfortable with the idea of mama leaving her (with a stranger.) She doesn't cry or get upset in dance class, but she is just attached to her mama. I am hoping with time it gets better and I am glad I am doing this now instead of next year when she starts school. I think 4 is a good age to try out some independence.

Good News

I am still here and still big and growing. I have moved the seat in the car back 2 times now. If I move it back any more I won't be able to reach the pedals (short legs). If my belly grows as much as it has in the last two weeks, in the next two weeks, I won't be able to fit in there to drive it.

Aside from perishables and toiletries my hospital bag is packed enough. Most of the 0-3 month clothes are washed as well as blankets. I have a pack of newborn diapers. I just have to prep the car and was the cover to the baby swing and I think I might be ready.

If I had to bet money I would say 3 more weeks from today. We have guests coming at the end of the month, so my next goal is to make it through that visit. Then we may have a guest or send the 16 year old to his mom the following weekend, so if that happens, I need to wait until he gets back because he is our babysitter should we need one in a pinch.

Z is enjoying her dance class. G is just having fun being a boy and taking apart things. 16 year old started his job and has been complaining and arguing about everything possible for the last week. He must like his room...

Husband hasn't resolved a week+ old fight, because it would mean admitting he was wrong. The more I look at us, the more I realize I have become more like him (for the better) and he has become more like me (for the worse). I guess I only have myself to blame... :)

Graco Turbo Booster Roanoke

Now that Z is 4 years old I moved her to a booster car seat. You know it is about time when they start buckling and unbuckling the car seat and they are over 40" and very close to 40lbs.

It also helped because her brother outgrew his car seat so it was time for everyone to do an upward shift.

I was just going to get her a generic Graco Turbo booster for $50 at Target or online but then when I saw it it just looked uncomfortable. If we only did local trips it would be a great seat, but I am sure there will be a few 800 mile trips done using this seat so I decided to keep looking for something a little better but still under $100.

Reviews online said the Roanoke model had better padding and an added pillow as well as the ability to recline a bit. Z and I went to Toys R Us and checked it out. I pulled a few seats off of the shelf and let her try them out and sure enough she liked the Roanoke the best.

It has an extra pillow at the head and an extra pillow at the back, both are removal able. The seat also is a little more padded than some of it's cheaper counter parts. It also has EPS foam, on the reviews it was debatable for the cheaper counterparts. At 4o" Z uses the seat on the 2nd to lowest setting. The seat itself says it goes from 38" - 57" and 30-100lbs.

Z is now happy and excited so we are all happy. Now I am just going to be that paranoid mom the double checks her daughters seat belt all the time :)

It must be hard to be a man

Yes a venting session....feel free to skip.

Background: We spend $1500 a month on food/clothing and we are trying to cut down and make sure there is no waste. DH has several techy wants (iphone, laptop, and our TV has been struggling) and we could always use extra money to do little improvements on the house.

Yesterday I needed 7-8 things from the store and I wrote it out to the detail (2 gallons of a specific brand of milk because most others taste awful, a watermelon, 5 limes, cheese, mushrooms, sundried tomatoes, optional as it was Z's request for pizza, and a chocolate candy bar for me.) I was going to go and it would have taken me all of 20 minutes. My husband insisted on going. He was gone for an hour and a half. Should have totaled $30-40.

I called him an hour and 20 minutes in and asked him if he was doing okay and coming home soon. He said, "I had to go to lots of stores." To which I reply, I thought you would just go to the store 5 minutes away that had everything. Next time mama will just go."

Come to find out he was on the phone with his mom too (long distance) so that is why he was so short with me. (Usually he just says, I am on the other line, I'll be home in 10 minutes.)

He comes back with a 30 lbs watermelon (we struggle to eat 15lbs before it goes bad), a box of croissants, a huge bag of rolls, another smaller bag of french bread, salsa, 3 gallons of milk that tastes like cardboard (because of the container the company uses and he knows this from our past experiences), mushrooms, 3 limes, sundried tomatoes, a huge box of ritz crackers, jalapeno, and 5 lbs of cheese (that we also agreed not to use anymore because it contains hormones). He easily spent $100.

When I saw all the food I was upset. I just spend $125 on food two days ago and now he just spent another $100 mostly on stuff we didn't need and other stuff nobody wants. Now he is feeding the kids croissants while the cherries I bought, the salad I made all go bad. When he saw I was upset, he said, if you don't like it don't eat it. So I didn't.

I was busy uploading pictures last night (since the grandma's have been requesting it for a month) and husband was busy in the kitchen making pizza. He says, I need help. I say, okay I need to finish this up and then I will come help. I get in the kitchen and he used all the plates for cutting up pizza toppings (instead of the cutting board like we normally do) and there were no plates for dinner and we wanted me to stand there and wash them all.

Seriously! I can't stand for more than 5 minutes without being in pain. I have one girl lip that is always 2-3 times bigger than the other. And I am no wimp....2 unmedicated child births and honestly the last one didn't hurt until it was time to get the head out.

He cleaned up after himself last night which was awesome and I thanked him for (he usually just leaves it all for me.) He started the kids to bed, but then was really pissy and short with them, so I took over and sent him away.

This morning I try to talk to him. So I go out to the garage to let him know my side. It started out cool, but then he tried his guilt trip of....I was just trying to help. This is the same BS the 16 year old gives when he just what he wants to do to help and doesn't do what he is asked to do. My husband continue tries to say he is just trying to help and I told him yes and I thanked you for the kitchen and I explained to him why he should have not bought all that food to which he replied don't eat it then.

He just starts backing out of the garage, not willing to find a happy ending to the conversation. Just being stubborn and blaming me for getting upset at him, not taking any of the responsibility himself so I punch his hood. I am fuming. Why must he always run away without taking any responsibility. Then I punch the garage door. Then I move all his food downstairs including the 30 lb water melon. He is going to eat all his shit and no one else is going to help him.

Poor him....booo freaking hoo...

Ironically I know he is just being pissy because he hasn't had sex in a long time and it looks like it won't happen anytime in the next 3 months. Let's see your left ball swell up 2 times bigger than normal and tell me how that makes you feel.

Slow down!! Almost 33 weeks.

Three evenings this week I have had a little bit of contractions....not the real ones just the ones that make you acknowledge discomfort.

Today I have had my tingly feeling that I usually get and then loose the mucous plug within 24 hours....which usually intern leads to labor within another 24 hours. Yeah I am thinking this one is different and better be different :)

The baby did have a serious case of the hiccups today which was good because it tells me that if this little one comes early we should be okay.

I did find an OB yesterday that is willing to take me on and I have my first appointment with her in 2 weeks. I hope and think I should be able to hold this baby in until then at least. By then baby should be around 6lbs too, a nice healthy weight.

I want baby to be here soon, but I just don't want baby to be here too soon. I want baby to be ready to come home with me and room in with me. I need to do some laundry and wash the ol' infant carrier seat....and pick up a pack or two of diapers...and pack a bag.

I think it is going to be a busy weekend....

Moving on

I passed the 3 hour glucose test. It was so much easier than I thought, but came home with 4 new holes in my arms.

I am still in search of an OB/GYN...it has been a week and I have made so many phone calls. I hope I get someone who is willing to take me on in the next few days.

Over the weekend we got the 16 year old an electronic drum set. He has a love of drums and use to play before his world got flipped upside down. He wasn't too thrilled at electronic but now that he has them he truly loves them. Every free available moment is spent drumming. If everything works out he should have his first job starting next week. Things are starting to look up for him, hopefully he realizes it and stays on the ball so that things continue to go well for him.

Z started her dance lessons this week. I let her out of my sight for 30 minutes (the class is 45) and under the supervision of a stranger. We both did better than I expected. G and I got to spend a little time together to, so hopefully it was beneficial to us all.

I hope this is hormones

I am stressing again.
I have a vein problem...I think...in my girl parts. I couldn't get the U/S tech to verify it today. Whatever it is...the risk is high like 25% that something very serious could go wrong. On a good day it is 20 minutes to the hospital...realistically 30 minutes.

My first child was born less than 4 hours after checking in, my second was 2 hours after checking in (a birth center, and most of that 2 hours was pushing cause he was big.) Anyone care to take a guess at how long I will have for #3 who should be equal to the size of #1 (who took 5 minutes to push out)??

Realistically there is a good chance I could push the baby out before getting to the hospital and 25% of something life threatening happening and 3% of death. If I could I would stay at a hotel next to the hospital the last month.

I really want the birth I had with my DS, but I don't think it is worth the risk. On top of all this I have a 3 hour glucose test I really need to get done since the chance of hospital looks greater and greater.

I really wish I could think positive and make all of my problems disappear. Is it bad that I am thinking about trying this line of thought for a month before making a final call?
In good news the baby is head down......

Where I was meant to be

So first with baby news. I didn't pass my glucose test and I am suppose to do the 3 hour one. However I am waiting to hear back on the number because I took it in the evening and I didn't eat well the 24 hours leading up. I know I don't have a sugar problem as the baby is clearly not measuring big. Plus that whole sit around for 3 hours is not going to happen...my husband can't take off that much time from work right now unless it is an actual emergency and I am not going to take 3 kids to a lab for 3 hours. I'll switch over to a super healthy diet before I take a 3 hour test.

I have been thinking and I really am living where I belong.
In California the mosquitoes always bit me. Here not at all. (Maybe because I am pregnant??)
I can smell when and where some of the more dangerous animals go through the yard. I could smell a bear went through Saturday night, I think they peed on something in a specific corner of the yard.)
I enjoy watching the eagles on tree tops and the deer rest in the yard.
I enjoy the rain and think the summers here are perfect. Just long and hot enough to enjoy summer activities outside and make you appreciate the rain.
The days are long. About an hour longer than in California. I love seeing the sun at 5am or sometimes earlier.

Now if only I could figure out how to garden in this climate and keep the slugs away.

The challenges

Ironically my husband was lazy most of the weekend. So by Sunday afternoon I was upset about it and trying to minimize my complaining. I had cleaning to do, laundry to fold, and dinner to make. I asked him to help with one and he refused. The next day, "I think you need to rest a lot more." Easy to say, not so easy for him to follow through when I ask for help. Come this weekend if he doesn't follow through I may do the throw it in his face move.

We had an ultrasound follow up. The doctor (at the U/S place) was happy the way everything looked, but my husband I were not so convinced.
The placenta did not continue to grow as rapidly, which is good.
The baby looked healthy and measured one day ahead, good again.
The baby went from the 56 percentile to the 38 percentile, to us this was questionable.

Our first question was, how can a baby measure ahead but then measure smaller than 50%. What does that even mean?? We got no real answer from the doctor. My only guess it...maybe baby needs to fatten up is all, like the weight measurement determines the percentile???

Second question was, How can an almost 20% drop in percentile be a good thing? Her answer was because the ultrasound tends to be more inaccurate the earlier it is done.

Obviously with the placenta issues we are concerned with a 20% drop so we made a follow up appointment.

In other "fun" news I have been paying more attention to my body. I have had some swelling in an area (along with previously mentioned discomfort) that doesn't go away completely at night when I get off my feet. The same spot has been sensitive since being sewn up after the birth of #1, but now it is just a mess. I will talk to my mid-wife, but after online research my first guess is Bartholine Gland Cyst due to location, my second guess is some type of varicose vein. Neither sounds too horrible, but not something I really wanted right now. :)

Strider PreBike

My son just turned 2 years old. For his birthday he got a Strider bike. I must have researched for a month before deciding on this one.
I choose this one because it fits the smaller children. My son has a 13" inseam and most of the bikes required 14-15".
It was not a cheap wood frame. A lot of the cheaper wood push bikes have problems holding up to heavy usage or more than one child.
I did not see the need for the bike to transition to one with pedals since we have other children that will use it.

The bike was smaller than I thought it would be, but it was perfect for my son's height. I am not sure I would try it for a child with a 12" inseam, I would be afraid of them hurting themselves. At first just pushing it while standing over it (inside on the carpet) presented it own challenges for both of my children. I could see that they needed to get use to holding it up while walking over it.

My son was so excited when we took it out of the box. It included the wrench required to put the bike together and took about 10 minutes man style, without using directions. :) To a 2 year old it is a real bicycle for big kids because it has two wheels like the grown-ups. Once outside we walked up and down the street 3-4 times. My son wasn't interested in sitting on the seat and walking it but maybe in the next 3-4 times we take it out.

I wanted my almost 4 year old to use the Strider bike (she has a bike with training wheels) but little brother was not very interested in sharing and she was more interested in seeing how fast she could go on her own bike. I think starting my daughter on a bike with training wheels may prove to be a big mistake.

So far I like the bike and my son likes the bike. Hopefully it will prove to be a god investment.

Amon Maternity Support

I got one of these. Amon Maternity Support Belt. When I wear pants with good under belly support I am usually semi-comfortable, but when I wear sweats without any support I know it, especially if I spend some time on my feet.

I like that this keeps my belly covered, by kid #3 no one wants to see your big belly covered in stretch marks. I like that it helps support the belly just enough to allow me to get done what I need to get done. I like that it is thin so there are no lines under your shirts.

I wish it was made out of cotton/spandex instead of nylon/spandex. I wish that the back provided a little more support. (I don't have a problem with that, but I think it would be really nice, but then again, maybe not so comfortable that way.) I am not sure if I like it coming up over my entire belly. I may just start to wear it folded up on the bottom. The top band could be a little looser, it does leave a little mark after a few hours.

It does run true to (pre-pregnancy) size. My non-pregnant size is a 2 and despite looking like 30 weeks pregnant, a small fits me fine.

Welcome to May

This is the month I turn 30. Scary in a way because I remember my parents turning 30, but not so scary because many have gone before me. :)

I think I figured out I am so tired. I am always in watch dog mode. My senses are heightened and every little creak, shuffle in bed, every smell, it wakes me.

My husband says, take it easy, you need to rest more, stop pushing yourself. Then with the next breath, Can you help me? I need you to...., You really should get _____ done.

We worked in the yard yesterday. He comes in and sits down and says, "I need to rest." I am hurting, we will say "feeling pressure" but I still needed to change over laundry, fold it, and clean up after breakfast. I then ask if he is making dinner. "Yeah, if someone cleans the bowl and measuring cup." So I take care of that too.

On top of that he was pissed all day at me because I cut him off from a story because we had to part ways in the morning. We were double parked, running late, and I told him to keep talking and keep moving and he refused. To which I replied, what can't walk and chew gum at the same time? So he was pissed all day over the comment. YES ALL DAY.

Men could never handle being pregnant, let alone giving birth or breast feeding. They would just hire a surrogate mother or ask for a c-section at the first sign of morning sickness, and formula feed without even trying.

Mama rediscovered an old trick

G (almost 2 years old) still wakes up around midnight. In effort to recover my sleep, I decided to try taking him potty at 10pm when I take his older sister (almost 4), who is potty trained. Sure enough half way asleep G went pee in the toilet and went back to sleep (quicker than normal) and sleep through the night.

The good news is, if this works I can start getting 8 hours of sleep (more or less) again. The bad news is, this only confirms that I need to officially potty train G.

I am ready for my babies to grow up in some ways, but one full on reading and the other potty trained, I feel like they will be in high school all too soon.

Last night while squatting down to pick up the toilet ring (for G), I smushed baby and knew it. Sure enough, I crawl back into bed and felt major movements below my pelvic bone. Let's just say I have never felt anything that low until the last month. So at 10:30 my husband was sleeping and I was trying to help baby move back up.

A new day

I think I got all my tears out yesterday and today is a new day. My baby will be fine and apparently I will have the largest placenta on record. After searching the thickest on record was 42mm plus or minus 6mm. This made me realise not to get to upset because plus or minus 6mm shows the margin of error. Roughly 15%. So my placenta could be anywhere from 39mm to 53mm. Why can't doctors just straight up tell you...and our error margin is x%. It is like telling the woman, you are having a 12lbs child but not telling them....oh but we could be off by 2-3 lbs. That 2-3 lbs can make a difference. All of this reminds me why I really don't like doctors. Yes, they can save your life, but they can also make you needlessly worry yourself to the grave.

So the high risk doctor recommends, protein, folic acid, and baby tylenol. Protein and folic acid to maximize the baby's nutrients and tylenol to make sure that the blood does not clot in the placenta. Some of my research also suggested rest. The livers which send nutrients to the placenta function best when you are resting on your left side. My husband and I both agree that more rest would not hurt and could be my problem. I have had 8 hours of consecutive of sleep 3 times since getting pregnant.

Here is the frustrating part. My husband told me last night he would help so I could sleep. G goes thump and rolls out of bed, and starts crying. My husband didn't even stir. We have a baby monitor in our room and their room is right next to ours...and he still did not hear it???

I am also going to try to drink more water. I currently drink about 2-3 glasses a day and 3-4 glasses of milk. Well that is great and all but, but consider I only drank the same amount when spending 3-4 hours outside manually mowing a half acre of grass. Why you say, do I do it because if I don't my husband probably wouldn't. Ironically he is the one who wanted at least an acre....he can't even handle what he has.

So this week my goal is more water, more rest, more protein, and a little bit of tylenol everyday. Then I go to get to the store and get some folic acid.

Trials...

Had the 20 week ultra sound today...at 22 weeks. We did not find out if it is a girl or a boy. Baby looks healthy so far. We did find out the my placenta should only be around 22 mm thick and it is 46 mm thick. Placenta size should roughly correspond to weeks gestation. This is huge. Placentas are usually between 20mm and 40mm at birth.

There are numerous possible causes for this and 99% of them are not good at all and only lead to serious complications and problems.

I just found out this morning and all the emotions are just now starting to hit me. Will I still be able to have my baby at home? Do I even want to take the risk of having this baby at home? Will I even be able to have this baby at home? Will this baby even make it to full term? Will this baby even make it to June? Will this baby even make it??? Right about now I am thinking give me mental retardation, give me downs syndrome, just please God give me this baby to hold, enjoy, watch grow, and to watch interact with his/her siblings...but if you must keep this child thank you for the two beautiful children I already have and please continue to keep them safe and healthy.

...and I thought all this other junk was hard....

Facebook

The funniest thing ever.

There is a "Christian" on my friends list. I reply to what the person described, saying Islam has the same thing.

I get a reply, no it is different. I said, it means this in Islam...

No, no, no...it is different you can't say that....

Well how is it different?

To which my father jumps in (obviously mad) with some random garbage that doesn't make any sense what so ever trying to attack me.

Some point in here, "Christian" person tells my brother...your sister is picking on me...or something like that. Then his wife states that there is a "mini-war" going on at "Christian" persons page her her status.

Back to "Christian" persons page. I reply with the exact word translation and tell him, you should educate yourself and ask other Arabic speakers.

To which "Christian" replies, "You are no longer on the path God designed for you. God loves you. I'll pray for you."

So I am just ROFL by now and reply, Why are you judging my relationship with God? All I did was tell you another religion has the same thing and gave you a definition?


I really really believe church is a complete failure. I believe any religious leader that tells you how to interpret God's word is only doing more harm than good, provided that people can read and have a brain.

I believe God wants to slap us silly for being so judgemental and waging wars against all the true seekers of God (not the crazy people that claim.) I also believe that by learning more I only get closer to God and gain more understanding.

With that said...
This is a fantastic video (on Quantum Physics) that reminds me how simple we really are and gives me more understanding as to how God must see us.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VS1mwEV9wA

Moving Along

The weather was beautiful this weekend. The kids would not let me sit inside. Between cleaning the fence going around the balcony and them wanting to just be outside, I got a little tan. I was low on vitamin D at 12 weeks, but if the sun keeps coming out this obviously will no longer be a problem.
At 21 weeks I feel like my energy has semi-returned. I have more energy than my husband, but that really doesn't say anything.
I still am no where near caught up. Laundry, nothing but piles. Living spaces, nothing but messes. Home schooling...going by the way side (aside from reading.) Husband is spending more money than he makes on stuff I consider BS (moving oversized family furniture), and has a business trip planned this week (no cost to us.) Z has lice again, so husband is all pissy about that. Husband wants to have 2 families over this weekend. We have an outdoor table that needs to be fixed, that is just taking up space in the garage.

16 year old had about 10 good days before Easter and has been nothing but down hill since. Back to the "poor me's" and selfishness. His mom believes she "needs" him for the summer to help take care of his siblings, but I have no idea how when he can't take care of himself, his responsibilities, let alone communicate in a human like fashion with a 1.5 and 3.5 year old. My 3.5 year old is more helpful than he is. She puts away dishes fine, changes over laundry, can fold her own and put it away, will get her own healthy snacks. Personally...I don't really care, he can go there for all I care, I just don't want to be his guardian. I don't want to be held accountable for his actions when I am not the one supervising him.

When did my life get so freaking complicated. I just wanted to have a husband, babies and a house and enjoy my life. Can I return the husband's family, he can return mine in exchange...

Moonsand

How to make your own from http://www.wisebread.com/make-your-own-moon-sand-dirt-cheap

Recipe for homemade moon sand (1 batch)

6 cups of play sand (I got a 50lb bag from Lowes, it was $4.99 plus tax)

3 cups of cornstarch (most dollar stores carry it for $1 per box...you'll need around 24 boxes for the whole 50lbs!)

1 1/2 cups of cold water

Step one: Mix the water and cornstarch together thoroughly, this will take a few minutes to get it nice and smooth.

Step two: Gradually mix in the sand, one cup at a time. You'll need to really work it in with your fingers.

Step three: Play with it!

Step four: When you're all done, pop it in an airtight container.

Step five: When you next play with it, you'll need to revive it with 2-3 tablespoons of water. Just sprinkle it over and work it in.

19 weeks

SIL and her kids were all here for 4 days around Easter. Overall we had a nice time. SIL sat downstairs and did her homework and the kids all played together. The one time husband and I went down to spend an hour or so with her she does nothing but bitch and freak out over everything. Seriously she is pshyco. Call is stress and PMS, but wow! The 16 year old that lives with us even said, I love my mom, but every time I talk to her she is yelling at someone for something. I like it here where you both are calm.
16 year old has been as close to an angel as possible for the last week, but then yesterday adds a pot smoking group to his facebook. Just when I start to think things will be okay he f's them up.

I have been feeling blah like usual. Trying to just keep up on life and get enough rest to survive. Even though I am only 19 weeks, I look and feel about 25-28 weeks.

16 weeks

I thought by 16 weeks I would be feeling good. I thought I would have some energy back and maybe not so easily disgusted. The baby has obviously been kicking for the last two weeks and twitching long before that. With all of this information we are guessing it is a girl, but we will probably be wrong, since we always are. :)
I really want to continue my tap dance lessons into June, but I seriously doubt I will be able to. I can't imagine being able to tie my shoes in another 2 months.

While I was typing this. G took off his pants and diaper and went pee by himself. Z dressed herself aside from putting on the dress (over her pants and shirt.)

I want to continue to homeschool Z, but she really wants to go to school. They are finishing a brand new elementary school this summer and she is excited about being able to go their and make new friends. Sign ups are in less than a year. I feel like I still have so much to teach her in the next year. I really want her reading easy first grade books, doing basic addition, writing phonetically, tying her own shoes and I am sure there are many more things. As I understand it, Kindergarten is a half day here, and a full day if you pay for the extra tuition. Not attending the full day drastically lowers your child's chance of not being 1st grade ready. That is really messed up when you consider we live in the 2nd or 3rd best school district in the state.

The 16 year old supposedly came to reality last Wednesday or Thursday. I have been making him walk home from school (2 miles uphill) and that gives him plenty of time to think about things. Of course Friday, he was "so sorry" and just wanted me to start picking him up from school again. I told him I would play it by ear.
Saturday was okay, Sunday he started going back to his old ways. Not as bad, but for sure slipping. He was only disrespectful once or twice...
This morning he asked again about the ride. I told him I would play it by ear and for sure pick him up once or twice this week.

After the 16 year olds melt down, his mother freaked out. "Oh my poor baby! I need to be with him. He is depressed." My husband said, finally reality has hit him. He should be depressed. He has been treating people like sh1t for years. Let's have his mother come (and her other kids, one a menace and one a poor me cry baby, both old enough not to be.) The good news is, we have the basement and it is only for 3-4 days. Hopefully the weather will be nice and we can get them outside.

Life keeps on testing me.

SERIOUSLY!!!!

For the 16 year old who lives with us we have rules. Strict rules. Rules that are put in place to keep him out of trouble and from going back to his old ways.

Yesterday he says he has a ton of work to do and will be at the library doing it then he will take the bus to a spot where my husband always picks him up. My husband pulls up and sees him smoking weed with a group of well known (around town) druggies.
First problem, we said, I don't want to ever see you around them because even if you don't do anything you still may get caught as one of the crowd.
Second, we said, you are not to ever get a ride from anyone. There is a free bus and we will pick you up. (He has a bad history here...and we will leave it at that.)
Third, we said, NO DRUGS. No exceptions. You do this you will be gone in the blink of an eye to Egypt and if you have to live on the streets, tough sh!t.
Fourth, we said no lieing, no half truths. You want freedom and us to trust you. You live by this rule.

All four of these rules were broke yesterday. Then after all this my husband says..."I want him to stay around for one month on probation and then he will be on month to month probabtion until June. One word, one attitude problem, anything he is gone." BULL 'UCKING SH!T!!!! How many times has my husband feed me this line. This kid doesn't learn and my husband sure doesn't learn.

My husband says, "I know him. He is just weak." I told my husband. "You don't know him! I know him and his little games. He is all about lip service. He just broke 4 rules in one day. You just had a 16 year old dis' you."

My husband was on the phone last night trying to figure out what to do next. I told him you better hurry cause I am not going to let him stay here for 30 days. Maybe till the weekend if you are lucky.

What a complete waste of the last 9 months!

Thinking about party planning

The two kids have their birthdays' within 3 weeks of each other. I am thinking it will be at our house and I am thinking in the yard...so maybe bugs....bees, lady bugs, flowers, frogs, etc.

Bees Here
General bug party Here
Oh this sounds really cool I just wish there were pictures.
A big party with pictures Here. I like some of the food choices.

Chop

Last week both kids got lice. Apparently there was an outbreak in a nearby town that cause a school to be closed down (25% of their students had lice.) I am guessing that they picked it up at music class since we lay on the ground in that class and my daughter started iching that night.

I picked up a few lice too. So I just chopped off my hair. I have just enough left to put into a pony tail...barely. It hasn't been this short in over 10 years.

I am still not caught up on all the laundry I need to do because of the lice breakout here, but that is what the weekend is for....okay maybe not. (Mama needs a day to rest and it is long over due.)

I put mysself on the scale yesterday. I am up 10 lbs at 10 weeks so I am right on track for the other pregnancies...1 pound a week.

Time for plants

This house has the atrium that I have just been using as the kids area to play loudly. I decided that I am slowly going to turn it back into an atrium (not that it is anything right now.) So I am starting with a Peace Lily (from Fred Myers), Aloe Vera (from Amazon), and Key Lime dwarf tree (from Gurney's.) To cold to grow citrus outside here so I might as well take advantage of the area. I know it will be 2 years before I have limes, but I am very excited about it. I also bought some seeds yesterday and plan to start them in the next week. This is the warmest winter in Seattle's recorded history so might as well take advantage of it.

PCC and Champion

So by far my favorite grocery stores are PCC and Champion (located in western Washington/ Greater Seattle area). About a month ago PCC started carrying navel oranges....WOW! Oragnic and delicious. They were just as good as the ones from my parents house in California. I also love that I get 5% off my grocery shopping on the 15th and 16th of every month and 10% off once a month (since I am a member...a one time/lifetime fee.) Now with 5 people eating and 4 out of the 5 going through a growth spurt our grocery bills are a bit insane. Saving $30 a month is a good thing.
We also found a little jewel called Champion in Issaquah. Dry goods really cheap. This is where I get organic rice, beans, grains, boxed baked goods, and even paper products as needed. I pay $1 for a box of gluten and dairy free chocolate chip muffin mix. Yes $1....

Mama needs a nap

I have 100 things to do...well actually like 20 things on my to do list and no time or energy to do them. Why can't more places open at 7 or even 8am.

I am also currently on a quest to find maternity pants (with room for a growing bum) and a dress for a wedding in October when I will have a 5-6 week old and a big left over tummy.

Here comes another...

Baby #3 is on his or her way. I am 7 weeks preganant and I basically didn't realize it until I was 6 weeks. (I was still waiting and expecting AF to show.) Right now all I want to do is eat and sleep and all my kids want to do it play.

We have a very large basement in our new house and they have space to ride their bikes and I got them a wave climber slide off craigslist a month ago. They love that slide. It is perfect for ages 18 months to 8 years old. The slide is a good size (I would say around 48" at its tallest) so that they won't easily be bored with it when they turn 4. There is also an area under it to play that can accomadate 2-3 children and a steering wheel on top that my 18 month old loves. Since our basement floor is concrete I have the structure sitting on foam mats to protect against serious injury. So far it is working.

I really need to finish putting texture and paint on some of the walls in the basement, but now that I am PG that isn't going to happen in the next year. I also really need to clean and reseal the tile grout, but I can't be the one to do it now....so maybe this spring summer I can convince the husband to do it.

Happy New Year

November we moved. December we had guests. Welcome to January.

January starts the month of only nursing Gibo once a day, restart of swimming lessons, music classes and for the first time in years....something for me, tap dance lessons. I am excited as I haven't done anything for myself in years....Almost 10 years (if you don't count sewing.)

Gibo is fully eating solids now which means more cleaning for me. With all the laminate floor it is hard t0 ignore all the crumbs that fall to the ground.

The funny thing is I have tried to host two moms events at my house and so far no one has wanted to come...I guess most of the moms are just as busy as I am.

I really really need to make some friends...unfortunatly winter and the holiday season just isn't the time to do it.

2 days!!

I am so excited! Finally a home that is ours and we get to live in it and create memories and we don't have to worry about rent being raised in a year or where is the closest park and NO more moving (after this weekend.)

Today I went to Fred Meyers. They were having a sale and I got 4 wood folding chairs at $8.99 each. They are usually $19.99. They are going to come in handy so we don't have to all sit in the bulky office waiting room chairs that take up half the dining area. Also we might be hosting Christmas...well we don't celebrate but I plan to do at least one special meal while both my parents are visiting and while my mom and my husband's sister and kids are visiting.

My new fridge is ordered as well as my new washer and dryer. Unfortunatly they won't be delivered until November 25th. At least we have the downstairs fridge and we can do laundry at the appartment until we turn in the keys. I am also calling a bath in my jetted tub Saturday evening. = )

Home Sweet Home

We are offically home owners, but we don't move until next week. Here are some pictures with the orginal owners furniture.

Downstairs bathroom/hall

Downstairs bedroom and living space

Downstairs kitchen

Laundry room

kitchen

Formal dining

formal dining

formal living

our little sun room (6 sky lights in the ceiling)

The weirdest things happen

My husband and I were at a cross roads...We spent two days fighting. I said A had to go, my husband said he wasn't done with A yet. Yesterday I was finally convincing my husband that you can lead a camel to water but you can't make him drink.
Not even 2 hours later A comes home from school with what is for him a huge apology. Basically the two days we basically shunned him and took away his music he has been thinking. He realized that he would rather be here than anywhere else and life here isn't bad at all, in fact it is rather good, so if he has got to stop some attitude and practice being considerate that is what he wants to do. He also felt like I was the enemy (because I was always displining) and because he always felt his father was the enemy. He said he really thought about it logically and realized it made no sense. Why would I take 2 weeks out of my life to move him up here. Buy him things, sign him up for classes he is interested in, etc.

My husband and I both told him that is great and all but he will have to always be proving himself with his actions and that we (my husband and I) need to talk and figure out what our next step is.

So we have decided he can stay on a week to week basis. We will be seeking him some counseling and if he doesn't prove himself, we will be buying him a plane ticket the next day.

I hope this works out. Last thing I want is more drama in my life.

Who does this...

What 15 year old doesn't know to put the non resealable lunch meat into a zip lock especially after being reminded 2 minutes earlier? I'll tell you ...a lazy, inconsiderate, selfish 15 year old who lives in my house because his mother never had the balls to enforce a single word that ever came out of her mouth. The lunch meat of course had juice in it and of course he laid the package on it's side so then it dripped all over the fridge.
This after an afternoon of lies and arguing. Honestly I don't want him in the new house. I wish I could send this to her without great backlash:

I am not sure I want your son in my house.
He is inconsiderate and disrespectful.
He lies and argues for the sake of argueing.
He lacks responsibility and initiative.
He is teaching my children bad habits and at times trying to make them go against my words.
You have allowed him to develop into this person for 15.5 years and I am at a loss for how to undo this damage.

As a fellow mother I beg of you not to allow this to happen to your other two children.
Be consistant. Say what you mean, and mean what you say, and follow it up with actions.
Teach them to pick up after themselves without supervision or constant reminder.
Teach them about money and how it works. Teach them the golden rule.
Teach them that to recieve respect you must first give it. Teach them that to argue, lie, and deceat gets you only trouble and loneliness.
Teach them that if you take others down the wrong path with you, your punishment will be double.

I think this also serves as a reminder to myself and other mothers that we need to keep our children in check and take off our goggles once in a while.

All signs point...

Lets see....crampy all day yesterday, STARVING today, craved hamburger 2 days ago, my husband felt the same way 2 nights ago as he did when we concieved Zuzu. Took a test today just to make sure and it was negative....might just test again this weekend if I continue to feel this way. Honestly, I am hopeing for another June baby...might as well keep up a good thing :)

In other news my mom is in the hospital due to complications assocated with her bone marrow transplant. She is a fighter though and she wants to watch her grandbabies grow up so I know she will be fine and up here visiting us before the year is over.

A now sit in the dark all by himself when watching TV which is a fantastic accomplishment for him. His grades could be better but he is working harder than he was 2 years ago so got to give him credit.

Less than 8 weeks to go

We move into our new house in less than 8 weeks and we get the keys the first week in November. I am very excited but it still seems so far away and untanglible (maybe because I have moved so many times and it hasn't sunk in yet.)

My nephew is doing okay. He has his good weeks and bad weeks. This last week was a bad one. He fails to take responsiblity for hiself. He missed school, I wrote him a note to take to the office and told him exactly what to do and why and he thought hanging out for his friends the extra 5 minutes was more important. So then we got a lovely note from school letting us know that he was unexcused for those two days. Then he wanted me to call the school for him and take care of it. Of corse I told him to take responsiblity and take care of it himself. My husband also had to teach him how to use a planner last night. Almost 16 years old and he had no idea, just had his own system that wasn't working.

Zuzu is doing well. She is not really reading yet but she has taken a very strong interest in reading programs (on TV.) She is learning about different letter blends right now. This week in Oak Meadow we are learning about the letter C and the number 2. We fell behind last week because she was sick.

Gibo is building his vocabulary and learning about speach patterns. He now fights back when Zuzu picks on him. I plan to transistion him to sharing a room with Zuzu when we move. Yesterday we found out he is for sure allergic to cashews...and who knows what else.

a house?

So we put in an offer on a house. The offer was basically every penny we could scrape up without putting ourself into a world of hurt. They accpeted our offer and inspection is today. The house is a custom built house with everything you would want in a house. Lifetime roof and siding. 2800 finished sq feet with a 700 sq ft basement. A MIL unit (so we can rent it out if things get tight). Has the lot size we wanted. All copper plumbing, central vacuum, generator hook-up, huge bedrooms with huge closets. 3 bathrooms. Jetted master bath (with marble). Porch swing. You want it....this house has it. The only fall backs...it doesn't look like much from the outside, the master bath carpet needs to come up and be replaced with tile or something, and it would be nice to fence in the yard for the kids....oh and it would be prefered if the formal living and dinning room were hardwood instead of carpet.

In family news...my in laws are here for a week visiting. My father in law has been the encouragement that I needed in regards to A. He hasn't seen A in over a year (before he went in a downward spiral) and he says that he says great improvments from that point in time.

Just shoot me

G had his circumcision on Friday. He had it done at one of the top 5 children's hospitals in the US, but that didn't make it any easier. He couldn't eat/nurse starting at 1am the day before and he went into surgery an hour late. I took my boy back because I didn't want him to have "happy juice" the last thing I want is more drugs and chemicals in his little system. It was so weird and sad being without him for 2 hours. His little pee pee looked horrible. I am a girl and I wanted to cry looking at it from how painful it looked. He was feeling good on drugs most of the first day and by the second day he was dancing around and having a good time. It still looks scary but it is getting better. Needless to say...don't wait. If you are going to do it, do it while your boy is a month old or less.

Sunday night basically we discussed it and of course it is all my fault that Z stutters. As soon as I come under a good amount of stress her stuttering becomes 3 times worse. Will my husband help me aliveate my problems, no. Besides the teenager and all the issues I am dealing with there my mom is undergoing a lot of different things with her cancer and everyday is like a roller coaster. Sunday night I asked for 5 minutes of peace outside on our little 3x12 balcony and instead of giving it to me, my husband stands in the door with G asking me to come in and take him. WTF? Does he not understand that I need 5 minutes with everything going on in my life. Luckily he finally took G and went to bed and I was able to talk to a friend which made me feel better and semi-human again. On top of that I am always hungry and tired and feel like shit. So either I am going to come up pregnant again soon or aunt flo is on her way.

Yesterday was good. We all got out, we all made friends and we got fresh air and exercise. Today we spent the morning out running errands and this afternoon back inside destroying the house and yelling at each other. Seriously I am at my wits end. I know we need a yard and space to move. I wish I could just magically pick a house and plop down the money and be done with it all. (Heck just finding a house that meets our needs that isn't a 1 hour commute for my husband would be nice.) At least tomorrow we get out to the park with other humans again.

Survived.

SIL came this weekend to visit her boy. She got here.

Day one. Internet. Had to take quizes and then pass a test to clear a speeding ticket (45 in a school zone.) She takes the test she has to pass twice, both times not passing. Then she has her son take it for her, and of corse he passes it. A comes up proud that he knows his stuff and tells us he passed his mom's test. Baba and I tell him that is not okay, I tell him straight up, that is cheating. He tried to make excuses, I said, No that is cheating. His mother comes up about 1 minute behind him, saying "I passed my test." I looked up with a pissed off look in my eye and say, "You mean A passed the test for you??!!" (Did I mention she is a horrible driver and she would benefit from learning the street laws.)

Day 2. She is around when we have a conversation with A about how he may have had coffee when he lived with his mom but under no circumstances is he to have it before he is 18 while living with us. (A get easily addicted to things.) Later that day we pick A and his mom up from Target. She gets in the car we ask her, "Where is A?" "Getting coffee for us both." Baba replies, A and I just had a conversation this morning that he is to have no coffee. She replies, "Well, can't a mother treat her son." To which I reply, "No, he will have absoulutly NO COFFEE! It is NOT okay." (Had she kept going I would have said, why don't you just take him back with you and just buy him some weed while you are at it.) She was smart though, she knew to shut up. Luckily A knows, that when we say, no, we actually mean no, and he got himself a kid friendly treat. Then we told him we were proud of him for making a good choice.

There were also little other things that made me upset. She spent most of her time here on her mothers laptop. She basically flew here to use our internet I guess. While she was online, her son was just sitting around playing video games...nothing like old times. At one point I just disconnected the internet, about 20 minutes later she went out with her son to spend some time with him.
She wanted to help teach Zuzu Arabic...failed! Zuzu speaks and understands Arabic just fine (as well if not better than her own children), but she thought she needed to say a word in Arabic and then explain what is was in English. This is a person who was running her own Arabic school out of her house a year ago and who teaches at a preschool. Obviously she has no idea how to even teach (especailly a 2nd language.)

When the cheating thing came up I told my husband that he needed to address it with her, but he said it wasn't necessary because their parents are dealing with her. I told him so what we should just let her think that what she did was okay and let her continue to f-up the other 2 children?? Our walls are thin. I really hope she heard this part.

So she lies and cheats....does she steal (unknowingly) too??

Typical Day

I typed this out for something else and I thought it was interesting:


5am feed G (and he goes back to sleep)

6am Z potty and dressed and breakfast

7am G up and about 15 minutes of computer time

7:30 get DH out the door and everyone organized for the day

8am sometimes a quick errand or we just veg or do a few pages out of Z's work book, A is usually working on his academics

9:30 take A to school

10am errands or a fun morning outting

11am lunch (all)

12 nap (both kids)

12:30-1:30 mama's time

1:30 organize myself for the rest of the day (some dinner prep or quick pick up of messes.)

2pm pick up A

2:45-3:30 veg.

3:30 start Z on some activity

3:45ish start dinner

5pm eat

6pm go upstairs to play, baths, get ready for bed, stories

7:30pm lights out

8:30pm Z sleeping and A in his room, on a good day G is sleeping too.

8:30 get DH dinner and settle in for some gaming or something on Netflix

10ish head to bed, take Z potty

11pm I am usually IN bed

So yeah I am one of those lazy house wives as you can see. I really wish there more hours in the day.

Z has developed a studder. Baba says it is because I don't talk to her enough. I am thinking it is because she is picking up on my high stress and because every other time she tries to talk to me I am doing 3 other things and can't give her my full focus or A interups her. I am so ready for him to go home. It sounds horrible but I just want to be able to refocus on my beautiful children and not waste half of my day on a teenager who likes to argue. I have also noticed on 3 occasions now A has made up things that were not true. He also says he hears things in his head. I have a strong feeling he has a bit of schzophenia.

Still here...

Finally we developed a schedule that seems to work for the whole family. The younger kids get their nap, I get child free time for an hour or more, and we are all happy again.

G has dropped to one nap a day. He is giving me nice blisters from nursing. I am thinking about switching him to bottles or sippy cups for a while. I am also trying to have him spend more time sleeping in his crib. This has been working pretty well aside from Z jumping in with him (waking him and us up) during the night/early morning.

Z is so demanding and if I turn my back, she just helps herself. If I would let her she would watch Cinderella and play Wii all day. Nothing would make us both happier than a house with a yard and some pavment for riding her bike.

A is doing very well in school. 100% on everything and he is even catching all the teachers mistakes. He really is learning that hard work does pay off. Currently he is at summer school 2 hours and then he works on Biology the rest of the day in preperation for the start of school in fall (when he will completly retake the 10th grade.)

Meanwhile I am down to 121 lbs. Yay me! Last weekend I won a free massage. I didn't realized how messed up I was. (1 leg is even 1/8" shorter than the other from an old injury). They are doing lovely contruction on the already noisy 4 lane road next to our home. In good news we are going camping this weekend which hopefully means I can get some fresh air and relax a bit more. The whole family is really excited about this trip.

AGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

We found what could have been the ideal house. We both liked it, we had the offer ready to go. It was close. It was liveable. It has space for everyone. But...it must not have been the right house for us. We have the offer all printed up, just had to sign and send it in. Our agent's offices were closed for the holiday so it was going in Monday. Friday the listing agent called me and said there is another offer that is contengent on the sale of another home and that they would try to stall till Monday so they could also look at our offer. Well..........guess not. It came up contengent today. I am frustrated because we waited when we could have should have moved faster, but at the same time I have a feeling the timing wasn't right. I am sure there will be a better house for us....but 5 years later and 4, well almost 4 offers later, it kind of makes you wonder.
It is such a crime to want a yard for your children to play in. Is that really too much to ask?? I mean really I WANT a fu4king yard already. My daughter is 3 and she is missing out on some of the best life has to offer because her parents can't get thier sh1t together.

Why

I need to vent...
Why the f**k do people have kids and continue to have kids if they don't want them? Why do they allow them to get so completly messed up and then ask for advice and then continue along thier merry way as if they were given no advice.

Why am I the one undoing someone's mess up and allowing the child in my house and allowing the negative influence.

A is constantly arguing. Today we went to the store. Can I have this...can I have that.... Why...... but I want it. How about this? How about that.....why not???
I don't want to....but I am tired. No....I don't want to. How about later. It's hot outside.

Why can't people every mean what they say and follow through. Has his parents done that he would have never been in this mess in the first place.

Changes

Life keeps moving so quickly, somedays I barely know how I have time to breathe.
I am down to 123 lbs, which is good for me, but not quiet where I wanted to be a year later.

My laptop that has seen me through 3 years of breast feeding died last weekend. The battery was done, the CD drive was done, the case was cracking in multiple places, the hard drive decided it was done too. We don't have another HD sitting around so it is offically retired.

I finally got A (the 15 year old) a bed yesterday. He was sleeping on an air mattress. Now if only I can find a dresser.

My little G turns 1 year old on Saturday. He is up to 4 teeth. Takes 1-2 steps but not really walking yet.

We are no longer preventing child number 3, or 4 depending on how you are counting :)

Still looking and hoping for a house (or should I say a yard with a house) new goal is by 2010.

2 weeks later

I am home.
Two weeks ago my husband was fed up with my sister in law letting the 15 year old do everything he wanted. So 10am I decided I needed to load up the kids and go do something about it. We left at noon, AKA nap time. We stopped once at a rest stop, then spent the night in Eugene. Then Friday morning we left at 4am and I drove till 6am with the kids sleeping. Then we had breakfast and we were in Redding at 9ish. Then Modesto by 2:30, after a couple of stops. We spent the weekend with my parents and then the week with my sister in law.
I spent 5 out of the 6 weekdays I was there, at the court house doing temporary guardianship paperwork and I am still not done yet. My sister in law is a very messed up person, and my guidance helped in some areas, but I could easily spend a month there. (Think the nanny tv show, but the nanny with 2 kids of her own, cause that is what it was.)
Yesterday we (Z, G, & 15 year old A) left California at 7am for home. We stopped for an early lunch, then left Redding at noon and made it to Eugene by 5pm. We arrived home before 11pm last night.
While I was away my husband put up the stairway gate, organized his closet, cleaned, did laundry, bought a table and lamp for Z.

So now we are 5...

Wait there is more

We just found out my husband's aunt (her son is my husband's BFF, so to speak) has stage 4 cancer.
Another roller coaster year ahead....Hope you all are strapped in tight.

Wanted: 3 houses

So on one side we have my mom, fighting cancer and will hopefully under go steam cell in the next 2 months. Next to her we have my dad, who has managed to do damage to his spinal cord (who works as a laborer, I might add.) Who are "taking" care of my brother, who has schizophrenia. On the other side we have my husband's father who is recovering from pneumonia that put him in the ICU for 2 months (a year ago), and his wife (my mother in law) who has her diabetes under control. Then we have my sister in law who is having herself a pitty party after finally getting out of a 16 year marriage that she knew she should have never got into. She wants someone to hold her hand and her excuse for life is "my life is hard so I can't help it that I stay up till 2am cleaning and watching religious videos and then can't get out of bed at 6:30 to get my kids to school on time." Now her two oldest children say the exact same thing. "My life is hard so I can't help it if I smoke pot everyday" and "My life is hard so I can't help it if I lie and make shit up" (even though I know better.)
Who needs Jerry Springer when you have family...oh and I almost forgot...we have my brother in law who bought a 2009 Dodge Ram and just spent $18K on parts to make it totally white trash like, because he likes to "take care of his baby" who is going to sale when the 2010's come out (so he can start all over.) Then my brother who in general is doing well and hopefully his wife can find a job soon and they can both help take care of my parents.
So just to be safe, let's make it 4 houses on 5-10 acres or 4 houses right next to each other. Thank God our parents have enough money to sustain themselves for now and hopefully they will have enough money to help us buy/build all these houses.

11 months later

As you can tell I am still not down to where I need to be, but I am mostly content. I am also wearing my $5 jeans from Macy's children's department. The little man G was 23 lbs and over 31" long today.

Home schooling

I spent all of last week (8 hours a day) researching home schooling materials. I must have book marked 15 books and 20 sites. After all that work I went to Costco on Friday and they had 3 packs of Kumon books for $12.99 that were age appropriate. Right now the two I am focusing on is "Cutting" and "Tracing."
Cutting just requires your child to cut along the grey line. It starts off very simple and then progresses into cutting out fun things your child can play with. Yesterday she cut out a train that I taped together and today a she cut out two combs. We are currently on lesson 8 in the book.
Tracing is not really tracing right now as much as it is...draw a line from this point to that point and stay inside the lines. It will get her ready to write her own name by herself.
We also have "Coloring" and "Easy Mazes." Coloring has the child color in a shape within a picture, then a page of connecting two points without touching any objects along the way. Easy Mazes so far is very similar to the tracing book.
Our set also included "Upper Case Letters" and "Numbers 1-30." Both of those involve tracing the actual letters or numbers so I plan to wait until we finish a couple of the other books first.

After doing all my home school reseach I have decided that Zuzu will be starting a basic Kindergarten homeschool ciriculum this fall. The home school material is very basic and she already knows most of the academics covered in the programs I am interested in using with her. Right now I am thinking of using Oak Meadows and some Enki stories and then throwing in some more academic materials as we progress.

In other news I can squeeze into my smallest pants...so much so that I could wear them, but they just aren't comfortable. I am still hanging out at 126 but I am starting to get a waist back slowly. Must get down a little more by June....

Thinking

It has begun. The open discussion of when to have child #3. I am excited to have another child, but the thought seems pre-mature since G is not even eating one solid meal a day. Then part of me thinks maybe it would be for the better just to have the closeness in age.
Did I mention my husband would like a March/April ('10) baby...

G just had his first swimming lesson yesterday. He looked so handsome in his little shorts. He is pretty fearless and calm in the water. He stuck his head down in the water numerous times and it never phased him.

Time stops for no one

My son is almost 10 months old and in 3 months I will have a 3 year old. The reading is slowly coming along for the 3 year old. My son is crawling, pulling up, trying to stand alone and all that good stuff. 2 sets of stairs, despite my constant pestering, no gates have been put up. Instead of putting the gates up my husband taught my son how to climb up them. Yes we have already an incident that resulted in cut gums and a scrapped chin. Of course it was my fault cause I was the one who turned my back for 30 seconds.

My brother's wedding is in 1 week. I am down to 127....not the 122-123 I dreamed of. My husband has been supplying me with girl scout cookies for the last month. If I know him, he still has one or two more boxes in his car with my name on them. I still have a week left....I am aiming for 125 by the wedding. For some reason I feel rounder this time around than I did 2 years ago. My hips are also an inch wider. So they didn't go all the way back this time. I got myself something to suck it all in and hopefully it will make me feel a little better about myself when I stand next to people 10 years younger than me next week. Zuzu is very excited about getting to wear a white dress, just not sure how she will do with walking down the aisle and throwing some flowers.

My son is still not really eating solids. I give him a tiny bite of two off of my plate at best. He still looks at me, like I am trying to posion him.

I cut down on my grocery bill and no longer let my husband do the shopping. Which saves us any where from $100-200 a month. We also cut down on cable TV. We got rid of HBO and the big package "deal" with the DVR and now we have basic and a netflix subscription, saving us $40 a month.

My husband is tired of his job and wants to find a new one, but he says this every year. He just has some issues he needs to stand his ground on.

That's my current life in a nutshell.